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Adult Bat Mitzvah

Given by Susan Brannigan on November 14, 2009 (27 Cheshvan 5770 )
Beauty in Judaism

"Why did you convert?"  It's been over three years since I went to the mikvah to become a Jew, but this is a question that still surfaces with surprising frequency.  People are surprisingly bold on this matter -- sometimes a person I've only just met will hear that my name is "Brannigan," see the Star of David on my necklace and want to know, "what's the deal with that?"

There are many reasons why I decided I wanted to be Jewish -- too many to enumerate.  Suffice it to say that, at core, I have long felt that I was Jewish at heart.  But today I want to discuss just one of the reasons I felt the Jewish faith and community had something to offer me -- something that I feel strongly is missing in much of secular life.  I want to talk about the depth of the meaning of beauty in the Jewish tradition and what that means for those who follow its teachings -- especially for women like those of us who are celebrating becoming b'not mitzvah as adults today.

In today's parsha, we are introduced to the matriarch Rivka, Rebecca, who is said to have been pleasing to the eyes.  As it is translated simply in Etz Hayim, at Breishit 24:16,  "[Rebecca] was very beautiful."  In fact, we are told at various times that all of the matriarchs could be described as beautiful to behold.  What does that mean?  Must a Jewish woman strive to be beautiful?  Is beauty a noteworthy characteristic?

Considering my well-known Naomi Wolf-inspired brand of feminism, some of you may be surprised that I think the answer is "yes."  And not only must a Jewish woman strive to be beautiful, but a Jewish man must strive to be beautiful as well.  But -- beauty in Judaism is not defined as simplistically as it is in the current materialistic, secular culture.  Many of us are used to thinking that beauty is about clear skin and toned muscles and a youthful glow.  But in Jewish tradition, it is much deeper and wholistic; it includes not just the physical attributes of a person but the way a person thinks and acts and carries himself or herself in the community.  Judaism most definitely gives value to beauty, but it recognizes that beauty is found in qualities beyond the physical.

The late Rabbi Joshua Shmidman of McGill University described the idea of Jewish beauty in an essay that you can find reprinted on the internet after Shabbat.  He derives this notion from the rabbinical definition of beauty found in the description of the etrog tree.  To quote Rabbi Shmidman:

"The Torah requires: "And you shall take unto yourselves on the first day (of Sukkot) a fruit of a beautiful tree -- pri etz hadar." The Talmud (Sukkot 35a) wishes to define what constitutes a beautiful tree by analyzing the Hebrew word for beautiful, hadar. The sages conclude that it is the etrog tree, because the word "hadar" is interpreted to be a fruit which "dwells continuously all year on the tree" (ha-dar, literally, "that which dwells"). Thus, they understand the word "dar" to mean the opposite of temporary or intermittent residence; rather, it implies permanence, a continuous process through time (similar to the French "duree" or the English "endure"). The etrog tree fulfils this requirement of constant dwelling, for most other fruits are seasonal, but the etrog grows, blossoms and produces fruit throughout all the seasons: in the heat and the cold, in the wind and in storm -- it stubbornly persists! It endures! And in the Jewish view, that is why it is beautiful."

The sages find beauty in that which endures -- and therefore, also in that which is old.  Shmidman continues by reminding us of the commandment to respect the elderly:  "'Ve'hadarta p'nei zakein,' which is usually translated 'and honor the face of the old person.' The word hadar, however, literally means 'beauty', so what the verse is actually telling us is to ascribe beauty to the old face."

I have come to believe that beauty is derived not just from age and experience, but from the wisdom acquired through age and experience.  Not only that, but such wisdom -- a wisdom that is exemplified by Torah itself -- can provide even more ways to achieve beauty.  For instance, this wisdom teaches us the beauty of eternal qualities, such as chesed.

Indeed, going back to today's parsha, while Rebecca's physical beauty is mentioned once, the Torah repeatedly talks about Rebecca possessing "chesed" -- lovingkindness.  Chesed is the quality for which Abraham's servant, whom tradition identifies as Eliezer, was searching when he applied his test:  Rebecca not only offered water to Eliezer when she was asked for it, but on her own initiative she also offered water for his camels.  This act of chesed demonstrated to Eliezer -- and to us -- why she was an appropriate match for the son of Abraham.  And her act also shows the fullness of Rebecca's beauty -- that it did not come only from a simple assessment of her looks, but from a more complete assessment of her character.

There is an oft-quoted verse in the section of Proverbs known as Eshet Chayil in which we are told that "beauty is vanity."  In this verse, we are reminded that physical beauty cannot be an end unto itself.  An Eshet Chayil -- a woman of valor -- does not strive for physical beauty, for that is not a type of beauty that endures.  Instead, she strives for more eternal qualities:  She is kind, and tends to the needs of others.  She is industrious; she is strong and honorable.  She tends to her spirituality.  These qualities give her a beauty "beyond jewels," the beauty that reflects the eternal beauty of Judaism.

Here at Tikvat Israel, as well as in the larger Jewish community, I saw when I was considering conversion that women -- and men as well -- were valued not for some materialistic and shallow, secular version of beauty, but for all the ways in which their thoughts and actions made them beautiful to behold.  In recent months, I have seen this beauty displayed by the women who have been sharing with me this experience of officially becoming a "bat mitzvah."  These are women, who, like me, are striving to be women of valor, women who are constantly becoming more fully Jewish.

I'd like to take a moment to honor these women, by talking about why we've decided to publicly celebrate becoming b'not mitzvah today.  To understand their stories, a few weeks ago I asked my classmates to write for me their thoughts about what becoming a bat mitzvah today means to them.  Their stories are varied and very personal -- some of us were raised as Jews but did not have the opportunity to learn Torah and religous practices as youngsters, while others of us chose Judaism later in life and are only recently becoming acquainted with the traditions.

For some, religious practices were not a large part of their upbringing, and for these women, the training we've been receiving over recent months has been a chance to discover new aspects of what it means to be Jewish.  For others, religious Judaism was a big part of life until they reached an age where girls' religious education traditionally ended.  I want to quote one of my bat mitzvah classmates, Rebecca, because I believe we've come to an important realization in the American Conservative community -- we understand now in a way we didn't understand a couple of generations ago that to limit a Jewish woman's religious education was potentially to deny her an opportunity to fully express her Judaism.

Rebecca was raised in an Orthodox synagogue, and she says she shared in learning experiences with boys until they reached age 12.  At that point the girls were told they no longer needed to continue with Hebrew school.  "I was heartbroken and disillusioned," Rebecca recently wrote to me, "since I envisioned that I would be learning all of the things the older bar mitvahs had learned.  At that point, my formal religious education came to an abrupt halt.  No one could adequately answer my questions so I was left feeling rejected and devalued."  To her credit, Rebecca continued to embrace and love Judaism, despite no doubt feeling discouraged.  Because of this opportunity for a renewed religious education, Tikvat Israel has helped Rebecca and others in our group take part in the preservation and continuity -- and therefore the beauty -- of Jewish tradition.

Another woman in our group described for me just how important the religious practices are to the continuity of the Jewish people.  To be able to properly say kaddish for a departed parent or loved one -- could there be a more beautiful expression of Judaism?  It's the most profound example I can think of, illustrating how the Jewish people, our history, and our traditions unite to create a truly spiritual and enduring beauty.  By continuing with our religious educations -- and by marking a milestone in our educations today -- we are honoring not only this beautiful Jewish religion but this amazing family that is Judaism.

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