Dr. Stacy Lang addresses the crowd (Photo by Felicia R. Black)
Nearly 60 congregants gathered on June 14 to hear Dr. Stacy Lang’s seminar, “Restoring Hope: Coping With Loss.” After describing her background in social work and grief counseling, she provided some personal insights into her own experiences in dealing with grief when she lost her best friend at the age of 18 and later at 31 when another close friend died. Lang invited others to share some of their experiences, which included the loss of a child, a younger sister, and a parent.
She then described the process of moving through grief, as well as the symptoms of grief, including emotional and even physical pain, feelings of isolation, a sense of unreality or losing one’s mind, and a lack of appetite. She discussed society’s lack of openness regarding death and grieving, making it harder for mourners to come to terms with their loss. She said when we do not know what to say to comfort a mourner, it is perfectly fine to say, “I am terribly sorry for your loss” or “There are no words.”
In terms of the process of grieving, Lang noted that the seminal work by Elizabeth Kubler-Ross, “On Death and Dying,” which specified the stages of grief, is now considered an outdated model and really applies only to the stages someone goes through who has been given a terminal diagnosis. The new conception of the process of grieving is outlined in the book, “How To Go On Living When Someone You Love Dies,” by Therese Rando. Lang said she routinely gives copies of this book to her clients.
Lang emphasized to those in attendance that mourning the death of a loved one is a process we will all go through at one time or another and there is no right or wrong way to grieve. She recommended creating rituals to remember a loved one, as well as journalling, as a way to process feelings. Lang noted that even when individuals believe they have worked their way through the grieving process, it is not unusual for the feelings of loss to reemerge with reminders of the loved one, such as on a birthday or anniversary or at a restaurant frequented by that person.
Lang’s seminar was part of the Omer Project, designed to heal the body, promote self-discovery, and heal the soul in preparation for receiving the Torah on Shavuot. Her session was delayed by a week because of two shivas in the congregation.
Thanks to Lang’s workshop, Tikvat Israel will be exploring whether a support group or healing circle may be an appropriate vehicle for our synagogue to help congregants cope with loss, move through grief, and restore hope, according to Jim Perlmutter, TI’s programming vice president.
