In our Torah study group last weekend, led by Mary Meyerson, a very inspiring teacher, we discussed, among other things, what the distinction is between loving and honoring. We are told to love God and to honor our parents. However, we are not told to love them or to honor God.
Another question that occurred to me is, why are we not told to love or honor our children? One Internet posting I found phrased the question this way (http://en.allexperts.com/q/Orthodox-Judaism-952/Honor-respsect-love-thy.htm):
I’m checking Dvarim (Deuteronomy), chapters 26-31, which are full of decrees. I have found none that orders to have respect, honor or compassion for thy children. There are many decrees to honor and treat fairly everyone else besides one’s parents–neighbor, a foreigner living among us, the enemy, others’ orphans and widows, etc. But not our children.
Why are our children excluded? Or why are they taken for granted more than God himself, who must reiterate the respect for Himself?
Are there any decrees regarding children other than teaching them? Have the sages discussed this omission???
The answer from Orthodox Rabbi Yechezkel Fox follows:
I found your question very thought provoking and I have given it quite some thought. In the end I think the answer to your question is that the education of our children is the paramount responsibility of parents. This being so the parent has to find the right balance of compassion and sternness. If too much compassion/respect/honour is shown to our children then they will not be educated properly to be servants of G-d. They will be pampered and grow up doing their own thing. That may very well be a good thing in a democratic value system, but is not what G-d had in mind when He gave us the Torah.
In line with this, we must give them the compassion/respect/ honour that they need; otherwise they will reject our education and will look elsewhere for their recognition.
So when the Torah commanded us to educate our children and give them all the tools they need for life it requires us to know each child and to know what level of compassion is required for that child.
On another Web site the following Jewish values were listed:
Again, there is no specific mention of loving and honoring one’s children.
Please feel free to comment on this omission. Why do you think children are not singled out?
Lastly, I’d like this post to serve as a special thank you to Mary Meyerson for her inspiring leadership of our Torah study group and to my fellow study group members for sharing their stories and insights.
If you haven’t had a chance to attend a Shabbat Torah study session, please feel free to drop by the Flax Library after kiddush. Come and listen. Come and participate. You’ll definitely learn something they didn’t tell you in Hebrew School.
Felicia R. Black
